I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
