I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
