Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
