I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
