Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
