Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
