I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I love you. Go after that dick
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
