I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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