hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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