You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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