Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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