I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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