; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
