Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
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