Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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