Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Holy sore nipples Batman
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
