You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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