I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
