I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
