Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
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