I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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