Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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