escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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