Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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