Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Randomize
