Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
