New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
