This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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