Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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