I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize