Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Hippo gnu deer
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
