My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
