remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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