I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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