super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
