I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
