why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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