The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
