Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
We don't watch enough power rangers
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Randomize
