it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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