C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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