just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
