Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Randomize
