I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
