hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
