I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I've blown a few things in my day
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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