I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
