It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
The air taste purple.
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