You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
