Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
