I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Come share oat with me in your robe
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
