her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
