my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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