You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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