I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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