I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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