I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Sorry about my life...
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
