and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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