Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
