another moral hangover. fuck.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
